Paddy Shennan’s TV Review: The National Television Awards (ITV1)

WELL done Coronation Street for beating DeadEnders. Well done Alan Halsall for beating Adam Woodyatt from DeadEnders. And well done Paul O’Grady (and all those cute dogs) for ensuring Top Gear didn’t win the Best Factual Entertainment Category (The National Television Awards, ITV1, Wednesday).

But that was about as good as things got during this year’s overblown Festival of Gushing.

The idiot box is all about opinions, so here goes...

Things began badly with Dermot O’Leary and a tortuous sketch in which he pretended to be James Bond/Daniel Craig meeting the Queen and daredevil Felix Baumgartner falling 24 miles to earth – and they hardly improved.

Colin Morgan (Merlin) won Best Male Drama Performance – that’s right, the category which also included Benedict Cumberbatch from Sherlock.

I demand a recount.

This Morning won the Daytime category – somehow beating Come Dine With Me.

I demand a recount.

But why was Phillip Schofield that excited – had he been doing some “research” on the internet again?

Miranda Hart (Call The Midwife), a fine comedy actress, won Female Drama Performance – somehow beating Suranne Jones (Scott & Bailey).

I demand a recount.

Did Ant & Dec win Best Entertainment Presenter for the 12th year running? Of course they did – and it led to fellow nominee Dermot’s only good line of the night: “That was a great moment in my life right there.”

No need to have a recount here.

Fast forward to the Drama award – and things were about to get really silly.

Surely, I had thought (very stupidly), this was going to be straightforward. It just had to be Sherlock. It just had to be Sherlock. It just had to be – oh no, they gave it to Downton Abbey, instead.

I demand a recount – and full inquiries to be carried out by the government and several police forces.

Best Talent Show? Who cares? Tess Daly, judging by her over-the-top reaction when the dreadful Strictly Come Dancing beat the even more dreadful The X Factor.

There was still plenty of time to fill – so a major meal was made out of giving Joanna Lumley the A Person Who Has Been Around A Long Time award (aka Special Recognition).

“I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” she shouted.

What’s that? The S*n is the only newspaper to carry voting details?!

I demand a long lie-down.