Why is everything my fault?

Am I responsible for acid rain, world overcrowding (I’ve gone green and had the snip – this is braver than childbirth), all crime, floods, famine pestilence and plagues?

Is it my fault that I have to take the occasional car journey because there are no buses?

Is it my fault I can’t speak any of the Eastern European languages?

Is it my fault I have a bible in the house?

Is it my fault that chickens don’t live in detached, fully furnished houses?

Is it my fault that there are leaves on the lines?

Is it my fault that my shopping weighs twice as much because of the packaging?

Am I to blame for the UK heading for third world status?

I am responsible for one thing and I claim the credit.

GLOBAL WARMING IS DOWN TO ME AND I’M PROUD!

I started it, and do you want to know how? I took a plastic carrier bag from Morrison’s supermarket in Winsford.

There is no need to thank me. Just enjoy the benefits of Costa Del UK as we go tropical.

Blackpool won’t need a casino because it will have a hot sunny beach. Manchester won’t be the wettest coldest place on the planet.

The Cheshire plain won’t seem so plain.

Farmers in Cheshire can open more campsites and holiday parks.

Morris dancers won’t look out of place.

Smokers will be warmer as they cough their lungs up outside.

Gardens will be in bloom longer and butterflies may wish to visit more often.

Birds can stay home instead of flying abroad for their holidays.

Dolly birds will wear shorter skirts.

Our old dodderers will get relief in their aching joints.

Marbury outdoor swimming baths will have warmer water.

We will all have healthy looking suntans and we’ll all have a smile on our faces.

So why the big hoo ha about plastic bags? I’ll tell you why!

Those in government have us all at it, spending our valuable limited lives discussing trivia. It’s a distraction!

Meanwhile they get on with the business of:

Driving more planes into the sky and planning more runways.

Creating massive markets for cars all over the world.

Carrying food all over the world instead of letting us grow our own.

Interfering with the way that nature intends to grow our food.

Covering up for the millions of pounds that they waste.

Taxing us into poverty.

Keeping us alive longer so that they can kill us in hospital.

Allowing crime on our streets to get out of hand.

Strangling us with health and safety.

Conducting secret love affairs in office hours (our time)

Protecting their own criminal classes who cheat and rob us out of our pensions.

Bombing the hell out of any body they don’t agree with and spending billions to arm those that can one day do us harm.

Just put a carrier bag on my head and I won’t notice!

Billy Nomates