THINGS can only get better for Ellesmere Port Sunday League newboys River Plate Bulls.
So far this season they've conceded more than 100 goals and been on the wrong end of three 20 goals-plus scorelines.
And the player they rely on for transport to matches has had his car stolen.
The team's name comes from The Bull public house, where they get changed, and top Argentinian side River Plate.
But they've hardly enjoyed the same success as the South American favourites.
Their latest thrashing came on Sunday as they crashed 23-1 at home to Labour FC.
Before their first game of the season, against Kingkabs, the boys had to phone the opposition manager because they had no goal nets.
Sixteen-year-old Simon Burgess, who acts as a player, manager and secretary, said: 'We didn't have any proper kit either. We had to wear some pink shirts from a junior team and we all had different shorts and socks. We were late turning up and were warned by the referee but, luckily, we didn't have to pay a fine.'
The result was a 16-0 defeat which was followed by a 22-0 reversal at the hands of SCFC.
River Plate's fortunes looked to be improving as they put up a good fight before losing 6-4 to Eight Rights Rangers, but then three more thrashings followed.
Berwick Travellers Rest put 22 goals past them without reply and Parkdale Rovers triumphed 11-1.
There was worse to come as River Plate were hammered 23-2 by the Holiday Inn, where Simon works in the kitchens a scoreline which meant they hit the ton in the goals conceded column!
The boys are looking for help from extra players, coaching and transport to games.
Eighteen-year-old Ashley Turkey - known as Big Turk - is the only player old enough to drive and to add to his team's woes his car was nicked.
River Plate then struggled to field 11 men as two of the lads were away on holiday and one player, Daniel Williams, broke his toe.
The situation was so bad that the opposition gave them a couple of their substitutes to make up the numbers.
Simon said: 'Our opponents tend to give us a lot of stick at first but by the final whistle they are usually very encouraging towards us and wish us luck.
'Although we've had some big defeats, we still enjoy it.'
If you can help River Plate Bulls with coaching, players, transport or sponsorship, contact Simon Burgess on (0151) 339 1976.