I love it when readers contact me to suggest ideas of what they want to read about in Women 2day.

Eileen Doyle, who works as a person-centred counsellor on the Wirral, is a former teacher who during her time working in schools, had always wondered how non-teaching mothers coped during the school holidays.

Although the prospect of six weeks off school is wildly exciting for children and teachers, when Eileen actually sat and thought about it, she realised she had never considered the extent of the anxiety experienced by parents as they mulled over whether the potential merits of a summer club were worth the expense.

A survey conducted by 4Children and Netmums showed that many parents facing the school summer break are filled with a mixture of guilt and anxiety, with concerns about childcare and family finances weighing heavily on their minds.

Half of all parents feel guilty about having to work when they would rather be spending time with their children and they also feel a greater pressure to keep children entertained – with 70% of families facing a lack of affordable local playschemes and holiday activities.

As a child, I remember how much the summer holidays used to make my mum tear her hair out as she struggled to find somewhere to send me every day. And now as the summer holidays well and truly kick in, many parents will be facing the same worries and stress.

But there’s no need to get stressed, according to Eileen, who suggested the issue was important enough to write about the issue for this page.

As a counsellor, she says working out ways of managing stress is vitally important – not just for wellbeing, but also for peace of mind.

“Managing the stress in our lives is so important, whether you are a busy mum dealing with all the problems the summer holidays bring, or a stressed-out teacher managing an excessive workload,” she explains.

Counsellor Eileen Doyle says mums shouldn't feel guilty in the summer holidays

“In the stress management workshops I run, we look at ways of addressing the causes of stress so that they don’t take over our lives.

“Looking back, I remember as a young teacher the excitement at the prospect of that first six-week break from school. Incredibly the weather was continually hot and sunny.

For the first two weeks I spent each wonderful, mortgage-free day sunbathing in my parents’ back garden, recovering from the exhausting demands of a year’s teaching in a tough secondary school.

“Immersed in the bliss of hearing no child-noise for six weeks, and the calm of not having to organise a constant conveyor belt of children for seemingly endless hours at a time, it never occurred to me that someone else was having to do this instead,” adds Eileen.

“Yet up and down the country, mums everywhere were having to plan meticulously for 42 days of, dare I say it, stress: arranging ‘fun’ activities, agonising over whether to use some of their precious annual leave, spend it on an extortionately expensive trip abroad, or foist sulky teenagers on to already downtrodden grandparents. It’s not easy for mums.”

“Not to mention that somewhere down the line they would also have to bear the blame for grown-up offspring dealing with abandonment issues acquired during childhood summers!”

If you’re one of those mums who are counting the days until school starts again, Eileen has come up with some tips to manage holiday stress.

  • Have a basic plan of activities for each week.
  • Share the burden with other like-minded parents or your kids’ grandparents so you get some time to yourself.
  • Remember that kids don’t need to be busy or learning all of the time.
  • Watching DVDs in your pyjamas with them is OK!
  • Don’t beat yourself up with guilt – you’re doing your best.
  • Communicate. Many parents feel horribly guilty about reducing their work-hours or having extended holiday so they say nothing about their plans until they absolutely have to.

In fact, it’s far better to make sure you’ve communicated clearly with everyone you need to and your diary is up-to-date with times blocked out – e.g. no meetings after 4pm. Keep focused on what you can do and when you are available.

  • Plan ahead. Forget the crazy, last week panic as you desperately try to clear your in-tray. What is non-negotiable? What would be nice to have done? What can wait? (even though it would have been nice to have it done)
  • Think of work in terms of value, not time. Getting lots of things done might clear your to-do list – but the project that adds the greatest value to your team might well be worth sacrificing some unfinished tasks along the way. Just make sure you’ve made it clear what you’re focusing on and, more importantly, why. Then manage expectations around the rest.