I will not be the only one who is unfortunately, no stranger to the horrendous experience of grief.

Ten years ago this week my mum died of a brain tumour –  an event that irreparably turned my life upside down at the time and is still having a  knock-on effect on my life today.

If you too have lost a parent, or indeed a close family member or friend, you will understand that is no exaggeration.

I have a close family but no brothers or sisters, so effectively, it was just my dad and I  left to rebuild our lives in the wake of such a shocking and shattering event.

Whereas I threw myself into university life, virtually ignoring any sad feelings I had for years and not really facing up  to my loss until a few years  later,  my dad’s way of dealing  with things was quite different.

On the contrary, he took time  to grieve and realised life  needed to go on, so carved out  a life for himself he had not  expected or prepared for – and I am really proud he did that.

But I experienced things differently. I put on a brave face and blocked a lot of it out before it finally hit me and suddenly began breaking down in tears at the slightest reminder of my mum (although I made sure it was almost never in front of others).

When eight years after her death, my dad saw me crying over photographs of my mum,  he  expressed concern that I wasn’t making progress with my grief journey.

He thought it was something I ideally should have dealt with soon after it happened, and for it to become easier as the years went by, not the opposite.

This bothered me, because to me it felt normal, after years  of bottling it up, and I wanted to know why I didn’t still see  him crying all the time. We had many a discussion about  the fact we seemed to have completely different views of the grieving process.

A question I have wondered for years is whether gender is at the heart of it – do men and women deal with grief differently?

Men and women in general think, act, talk and feel differently from each other.

Right or wrong, for generations, men have been expected  to be ‘strong’, ‘protective’ and not show their emotions, while  women are generally characterised as emotional, sensitive and weepy, with a need to share their feelings through long  talks, writing and cuddles.

These differences can be misconstrued. I automatically assumed that because he didn’t cry anymore, my dad had dealt  with his grief.

But I’ve since come to realise  that just because people don’t  bawl like a baby, it doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t grieving intensely.

If someone finds it easy to express emotion in life, like I always have, then I think that person is more likely to show their grief by expressing emotion.

I am unsure what the right  answer is to whether men and  women handle grief differently,  other than I’d say we all uniquely handle the process of  it,  which can give us the ability to support each other through tragedy.

I do know there is no right or wrong. If I want to sit there watching old videos and crying, then I will do it.

Of course, if I did that all day every day to the point where it  starts affecting my life, then I  don’t think that would be particularly healthy.

But no matter how many years go by, and no matter how  much easier it might get to live with the loss every day, I will not feel ashamed for expressing what feels normal to me.

But if some find it easier to cope with their loss in other ways, who am I to say what is  wrong or right? We should do anything and everything we  need to do to get through such a difficult journey.